Then, Out of Nowhere: Mountaintop

Irony. It’s the connective tissue between the events of life that turn on a dime to change one’s entire world.

These past two weeks my bouts of depression and dysphoria have been breaking through the efficacy of my anti-depressants.

I take them in the morning. And without fail, in the early evening around five, the meds dip down and they crawl back over the wall into my mind.

Fear. Bereavement for a lost life in an alternate parallel universe. Pain. Longing. “I’m going to kill my self.” And I say to me: “No I’m not.”

But death seems an easy escape.

No need for the 24/7 constant vigilance of putting up a front to remain hidden from the world. No need to despair the prospect of leaving a career at a company whose become family to me. No need to think that many in the churches I’ve served in, and that I now serve in may feel betrayed should I ever live out.

But, no—I’ve a life to live. A future to walk into. Do I? Do I really? #faithfullyLGBT folk online say, Yes! There’s a future for me—Sophia.

What future?

Then. Out of nowhere, I’ve been shown the promised land. I’ve been shown a vision of having been on the mountaintop (to echo the words of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Matthew Vines retweeted an article saying that Denver Community Church led by Pastor Michael Hidalgo was making a move for full inclusion LGBTQ+ people in their 1,500-member evangelical church. I remembered this pastor. He was the official spokesperson for the TNIV Bible in 2002!

I’m currently watching a 2-hour video of part one of a six-week “LGBTQ Learning Group” that the Denver church is conducting on Wednesday nights.

It’s a rather remarkable sight. It’s a vision of a future I thought would never come. It’s a vision that tells me there is a home for me in the emerging evangelical landscape. There’s a place for me to occupy…there in the future.

Thanks be to God.

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